got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
