I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
