Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
