and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize