I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
