i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize