She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
