Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
