I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
