U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
