I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
