your parents love me but you hate me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
