I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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