If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
