so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
