george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We smell like vodka and hangover
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