I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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