Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
