Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
