Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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