I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
