No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
being pregnant is like rehab
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
3 2 1 whiskey
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
