I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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