it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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