no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
