My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
