Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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