Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
