Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
