My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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