He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
