She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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