hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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