Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
