i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
