i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My breasts were aching with rage.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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