I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
