took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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