Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
