wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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