Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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