I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm like, not good at living.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
