He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
