I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The power of my boobs compel you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
