dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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