Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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