I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
