I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
