It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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