Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize