I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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