it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Terrible idea I love it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
