it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
