I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize