Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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