YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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