Im at strip club and am horny
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
