420 ftw
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
