I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
