We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
