Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
