i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
