DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
