I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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