Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
