Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
