you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
