I cockslap morals
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
