At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
