walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize