but the lizard people decide everything anyway
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize