She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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