Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
