I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
