She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
