in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize