When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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