So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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