sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
